Background

This article is based on the experience of a gay friend of mine in Palu. Since 2018 we often share personal experiences, especially on the experience of sexuality as gay people. The discourse about homosexual groups in Palu City is something that is quite rare, so homosexual friends, especially gay people, have limited access to information and capacity building to ensure they can continue their lives with full consideration, especially when it comes to their bodies and sexuality.

Talking about sexuality specific to sexual activity is very important to be known by anyone, including gay friends, to ensure that the sexual behaviour applied is not risky. The experience of my friend who has often trapped in a fairly risky sexual relationship makes me interested in finding out the causes of why he has risky relationships, even though I know that he is a person who is quite educated regarding issues of sexuality, especially in homosexual relationships.

The inspirational experience that I raise in this paper is the experience of my gay friend RM from Palu, 24 years old. The reason I raised RM's experience in my writing is because he is the only person I know since high school and identifies himself as a gay (Bottom) and has a lot of experience in sexual relations compared to me or my other gay friends, besides that there are many interesting and inspiring stories from RM that I think need to be documented into a writing, as well as RM feels that the experience he has needs to be shared with many people to become a life lesson, especially to motivate gay groups wherever they are. RM is also a person living with HIV/AIDS (ODHIV) who is also experienced as an educator and field outreach to key population groups, namely gay men, in preventing the transmission of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) in Palu City.

Through this writing, I feel very happy and proud to be able to voice issues related to Indonesian LGBT people in international platforms such as Gen Z Abroad, especially in my area and where I grew up with other gay friends, namely in Palu City, Central Sulawesi Province, Indonesia. Through this writing, one of my dreams to voice the issues and voices of friends from gender minority groups can finally be realized.

Sexual Relationship or Power Relationship? Uncovering Sexual Activities under the Power of the "Top"

Reflecting on my friend RM's sexual experience, there is an implicit indication of coercion when making a decision to have sex as RM said, that he just follows what her partner's sexual flow is, like in this case as the Top or the more dominant, and he feels as a person who has a feminine expression that is resigned. In my opinion, there are indications that the sexual relationship between RM and his partner is not just a sexual relationship but there is an unequal power relationship in it. When I asked about the experience of his sexual activities, RM said one thing that surprised me:

"Usually my sexual partner is dominant in all aspects of himself, what he has is all dominant, for example if he is angry his aura is dominant and must be heard, instinctively I feel I must obey, physically most of them are bigger, fitter and more mature, his aura makes me just obey his dominance, also in terms of financial, they provide financial accommodation. Without needing to do anything I gave in first, suddenly I just gave in and complied. Most of my partners say he is the more dominant one and likes a submissive partner, and I feel that there is a rather strange relationship emerging in my sexual relationship, all the aspects that I mentioned earlier have an effect on my sexual relationship" (RM, Interview, December 08, 2024).

Feeling a strange relationship that RM realized during our discussion made me think of the concept of "power relationship". It came to my mind when RM explained the various aspects that most of his partners have during sexual intercourse such as being physically bigger than RM, being financially capable of providing accommodation to RM, and then ever getting an angry response from his partner is a characteristic of unequal power relations, considering RM identifies himself as a man who has a feminine expression which he defines as weak and resigned.

In my opinion, RM's experience cannot only be seen as a sexual relationship, but there are power relations that also play a role in the normativity formed in gay couples such as RM's experience, the normativity of Top and Bottom which so far does not seem to cause something unequal, it turns out that in analyzing RM's experience, it can finally be clearly seen how the discourse of traditional gender roles is also constructed in gay couples.

Giving in, accepting, obeying, surrendering and even internalized as an instinct with all decisions in sexual relations, shows how unequal power relations take over the sovereignty of RM's body in sexual relations with her partner, whereas consensual and equal sexual relations should be established, but it isthe power relations that are finally realized. The situation isformed not without reason but there is a Hegemony of Masculinity in a more specific aspect, that is sexual aspect, where the dominance of superior men can dominate sub-ordinate men, in this case RM's experience as a Bottom.

The normativity and unequal power relations formed in RM's sexual relationship, shows the layered vulnerability conditions faced by RM, so that with an aspect of positionality in the Hegemony of Masculinity finally answered, in RM's experience it can be defined that he is a sub- ordinate man or who has a feminine expression with all the aspects he has as Bottom and RM's partners who are identified as Top are superior men or who have masculine gender expressions.

But in my opinion, femininity is not a gender expression that is directly proportional to weakness, because basically without being limited to any gender expression every human being must have a weak side whether he is masculine or feminine, because this gender expression is a form of individual expressing himself according to his comfort in social interaction. In our social construction, femininity attached to women or Bottom is always positioned as something weak, whereas so many women and even the Bottom are able to independently fight for the welfare of their lives, so many female heads of families who fight for the survival of their children and even become the main breadwinners or even the Bottom who maximize their femininity as an opportunity for example in the entertainment world. Thus, RM's subjectivity that femininity is a weakness cannot be generalized and needs to be critiqued.

The Hegemony of Sexual Masculinity and Its Impact on RMs

This hegemony of masculinity brings RM to a condition of multiple vulnerabilities, the often risky sexual relationship of unprotected anal intercourse gradually affects RM's physical health condition, as he said below:

"After all that happened my health declined, at that time the flu cough, diarrhea but recovered came again but I considered it normal, but one time I immediately dropped and had typhoid symptoms. I returned to the village and suddenly my weight continued to rise and I decided to diet, lost weight but I dropped again, and at that time I got news that the man who had played with me died and he was rumored to be HIV positive, finally I was worried and had to check because I had been with him, finally I checked at the 2021 health center and the results declared me HIV positive" (RM, Interview, 08 December 2024).

RM's experience is a huge lesson for all of us, about how the importance of safe sexual intercourse should be our main consideration before having sex. RM's sexual experience to finally get to this point is certainly not easy because it must continue to fight the Hegemony of Masculinity which is still massive in our environment until now.

I can't imagine the situation of other gay friends who may not have the capacity like RM to understand safe sex quite as well. Of course when compared to RM, their situation will be more vulnerable and will face something more risky when compared to RM due to this Masculine Hegemony. Because there are still many gay friends out there who have not received information and education related to reproductive health and sexuality comprehensively due to limited access to reproductive health services that are friendly and non-discriminatory to LGBT groups.

Conclusion

Therefore, the conclusion that can be drawn from this paper is that the Hegemony of Masculinity in the sexual relationship of gay couples carried out by superior men or Top against sub-ordinate men or Bottom in cultural, sexual and psychological aspects is able to encourage Bottom to have risky sexual intercourse, namely unprotected sexual intercourse which has a direct impact on physical health and brings one of the parties of the gay couple to the risk of multiple vulnerabilities, which in my writing this time is the recipient or Bottom.

Recommendations

• Comprehensive mentoring that focuses on sexual and reproductive health for gay people, including equality in sexual relationships with an emphasis on the importance of avoiding risky sexual relationships and negotiating safe sex with partners.

• Provide non-discriminatory counselling services for individuals who feel distressed in their sexual relationships. This service can help them understand the power dynamics in the relationship and provide strategies to cope with the psychological manipulation they may be experiencing.

• Ensure that service providers including NGOs provide information that is sensitive to the cultural and social context of gay people, so that they feel comfortable accessing services that are contextually appropriate and not left behind.

• Recommendations for further writing can analyze the Hegemony of Masculinity that occurs in other gender diverse groups, such as lesbians and trans groups.